This is a true story of something that happened just a few years ago at USC.
You know, he almost didn't see the old lady, stranded on the side of the road. But even in the dim light of day, he could see she needed help. So he pulled up in front of her Mercedes and got out. His Pontiac was still sputtering when he approached her. Even with the smile on his face, she was worried. No one had stopped to help for the last hour or so. Was he going to hurt her?
He didn't look safe, he looked poor and hungry. He could see that she was frightened, standing out there in the cold. He knew how she felt. It was that chill which only fear can put in you. He said, "I'm here to help you ma'am. Why don't you wait in the car where it's warm? By the way, my name is Bryan."
Well, all she had was a flat tire, but for an old lady, that was bad enough. Bryan crawled under the car looking for a place to put the jack, skinning his knuckles a time or two. Soon he was able to change the tire. But he had to get dirty and his hands hurt.
As he was tightening up the lug nuts, she rolled down the window and began to talk to him. She told him that she was from St. Louis and was only just passing through. She can't thank him enough for coming to her aid. Bryan just smiled as he closed her trunk. She asked him how much she owed him. Any amount would have been all right with her. She had already imagined all the awful things that could have happened had he not stopped.
Bryan never thought twice about the money. This was not a job to him. This was helping someone in need, and God knows there were plenty who had given him a hand in the past. He had lived his whole life that way, and it never occurred to him to act any other way. He told her that if she really wanted to pay him back, the next time she saw someone who needed help, she could give that person the assistance that they needed, and Bryan added, "...and think of me".
He waited until she started her car and drove off. It had been a cold and depressing day, but he felt good as he headed for home, disappearing into twilight.
A few miles down the road the lady saw a small cafe. She went in to grab a bite to eat, and take the chill off before she made the last leg of her trip home. It was a dingy looking restaurant. Outside were two old gas pumps. The whole scene was unfamiliar to her. The cash register was like the telephone of an out of work actor: it didn't ring much. Her waitress came over and brought a clean towel to wipe her wet hair. She had a sweet smile, one that even being on her feet for the whole day couldn't erase. The lady noticed that the waitress was nearly eight months pregnant, but she never let the strain and aches change her attitude. The old lady wondered how someone who had so little could be so giving to a stranger. Then she remembered Bryan.
After the lady finished her meal, and the waitress went to get change for her hundred dollar bill, the lady slipped right out the door. She was gone by the time the waitress came back. She wondered where the lady could be, then she noticed something written on the napkin under which was four $100 bills. There were tears in her eyes when she read what the lady wrote.
It said: "You don't owe me anything, I have been there too. Somebody once helped me out, the way I'm helping you. If you really want to pay me back, here is what you do: Do not let this chain of love end with you."
Well, there were tables to clear, sugar bowls to fill, and people to serve, but the waitress made it through another day. That night when she got home from work and climbed into bed, she was thinking about the money and what the lady had written. How could the lady have known how much she and her husband needed it? With the baby due next month, it was going to be hard. She knew how worried her husband was, and as he lay sleeping next to her, she gave him a soft kiss and whispered soft and low, "Everything's going be all right; I love you, Bryan."
Saturday, December 17, 2011
T-R-A-V-E-L
Inmate Mitchell King had a visitor — his wife. King was serving a six-year jail term in Auckland, New Zealand for armed robbery. But his wife didn't want to be away from him for that long. So they held hands. And they stuck. She'd rubbed her palms with Super Glue. Their new-found closeness was short-lived. And their separation painful. Her technique is not one I'd recommend for a closer relationship.
But if you want more closeness; if you desire relationships that are deeper and broader, more meaningful and longer-lasting, then remember the word "travel."
T is for TRUST
Trust is the glue that holds people together (not Super Glue). A relationship will go nowhere without it.
R is for RESPECT
"Do not save your loving speeches for your friends till they are dead; do not write them on their tombstones, speak them rather now instead," writes Anna Cummins. It's about respecting others and letting them know that you value them.
A is for AFFECTION
Sometimes affection means love. Sometimes it means a touch. Always it means kindness.
V is for VULNERABILITY
Though we may feel afraid to let another too close, no relationship will go anywhere without risking vulnerability. Entrepreneur Jim Rohn says, "The walls we build around us to keep out the sadness also keep out the joy." And the love.
E is for EMOTIONAL INTIMACY
Learn to be open. Learn to communicate freely. What kinds of relationships you make are largely determined by how openly you have learned to communicate.
L is for LAUGHTER
Victor Borge got it right when he said, "Laughter is the shortest distance between two people." It's also the most enjoyable.
For relationships that can really go somewhere, just remember the word "TRAVEL."
Then enjoy the trip!
But if you want more closeness; if you desire relationships that are deeper and broader, more meaningful and longer-lasting, then remember the word "travel."
T is for TRUST
Trust is the glue that holds people together (not Super Glue). A relationship will go nowhere without it.
R is for RESPECT
"Do not save your loving speeches for your friends till they are dead; do not write them on their tombstones, speak them rather now instead," writes Anna Cummins. It's about respecting others and letting them know that you value them.
A is for AFFECTION
Sometimes affection means love. Sometimes it means a touch. Always it means kindness.
V is for VULNERABILITY
Though we may feel afraid to let another too close, no relationship will go anywhere without risking vulnerability. Entrepreneur Jim Rohn says, "The walls we build around us to keep out the sadness also keep out the joy." And the love.
E is for EMOTIONAL INTIMACY
Learn to be open. Learn to communicate freely. What kinds of relationships you make are largely determined by how openly you have learned to communicate.
L is for LAUGHTER
Victor Borge got it right when he said, "Laughter is the shortest distance between two people." It's also the most enjoyable.
For relationships that can really go somewhere, just remember the word "TRAVEL."
Then enjoy the trip!
Love Is
the scars on your knees
the leftover food in the refrigerator
the song the birds sing
the pain you inflict
the sweet nothingness which flutters from your lover's mouth
a half-complete cigarette
diet coke which fizzles on your tongue
the rainbow sprinkles on your cupcake
the battered package you received in the mail the other day
the sound of wind escaping through a small gap in your window
the dampness in your hair
the chipped red varnish on your fingernails
your grandmother's musical box
the ballet shoes you've had since you were five
the music playing on your car stereo
the flaky paint on your walls
the bubblegum stuck under desks
the tooth-fairy
your hands and the things you can make with them
the kisses you blow
the clothes you wear
5 am morning breath
your sensitive teeth
the tingly feeling you get when you get touched at certain parts of your body
the tangles in your lover's hair
sleepless nights
overdosing on painkillers
undeserved success and recognition
telling lies and not getting caught
blacking out from consuming too much alcohol
being desired by multiple parties
solving a mathematical problem
watching the people around you
screaming out of your window in the middle of the night
flaming your lover's ex
make-up sex
smudged mascara
disheveled hair and smeared lipstick
the coffee and bagel you have on a daily basis
little children
silence
recyclable materials
trees
photosynthesis
growth
development
No. Love is
you
I
a careless mixture of everything else we worry about
the leftover food in the refrigerator
the song the birds sing
the pain you inflict
the sweet nothingness which flutters from your lover's mouth
a half-complete cigarette
diet coke which fizzles on your tongue
the rainbow sprinkles on your cupcake
the battered package you received in the mail the other day
the sound of wind escaping through a small gap in your window
the dampness in your hair
the chipped red varnish on your fingernails
your grandmother's musical box
the ballet shoes you've had since you were five
the music playing on your car stereo
the flaky paint on your walls
the bubblegum stuck under desks
the tooth-fairy
your hands and the things you can make with them
the kisses you blow
the clothes you wear
5 am morning breath
your sensitive teeth
the tingly feeling you get when you get touched at certain parts of your body
the tangles in your lover's hair
sleepless nights
overdosing on painkillers
undeserved success and recognition
telling lies and not getting caught
blacking out from consuming too much alcohol
being desired by multiple parties
solving a mathematical problem
watching the people around you
screaming out of your window in the middle of the night
flaming your lover's ex
make-up sex
smudged mascara
disheveled hair and smeared lipstick
the coffee and bagel you have on a daily basis
little children
silence
recyclable materials
trees
photosynthesis
growth
development
No. Love is
you
I
a careless mixture of everything else we worry about
So, what is Cyberlove?
Thanks to the late 20th century technology the Danish Maria and Martijn of Holland met on a chatline. For months they've talked and sent letters to each other with the help of their computers as they found themselves falling head over heels in love. It was then they've decided to meet in the real, not only the virtual, world. It was not easy to arrange as the young man and his lady were separated by 700 very real kilometers, but the date was a success and Maria and Martijn have been living together happily ever since. They've created a home page to let the world know how they've found happiness via the Internet and introduce couples who've met under similar circumstances.
MsGreenFields had hoped for a similar romance when she met her love on the internet. They've arranged to meet. The lonely young woman felt she'd finally found the man with whom she can live with in harmony and realize her dreams. Their personalities and interests were so similar and even their goals seemed to match well. She was not disappointed in his physical appearance either - the man was elegantly dressed, and the romantic champagne dinner, dance and the man's compliments and attention toward her during the evening all served to fuel her feelings of happy expectation. What could have been the happiest of nights turned into a nightmare when they got to her apartment. The man she just spent a wonderful evening with turned into Mr. Hyde and brutally raped her and disappeared. She didn't even have the opportunity to report the incident to the police. What could she have said about the man she knew only as StandByMe through electronic contact and who supposedly, just arrived from Las Vegas. More than likely, StandByMe continues to prowl cyberspace looking for new victims probably under a new nickname and, of course, unpunished.
These two stories are merely two samples of the many experiences you may find on different web sites that feature the topic cyberlove.
Throughout history men and women had used a variety of means to find each other. Internet romance according to some is a bizarre method, and others it is a 'natural' for the 90's, to meet potential mates. Reading enough pages of people's experiences one could consider a decent length novel, has formed an interesting picture in me of internet romance.
Romances formed on the internet follow a characteristic script. The development of emotional intimacy is a long process, sometimes taking several months. "Love at first byte" is rare although there are examples (Steven J. Baumrucher wrote a book by that title recounting his own experiences details of which may be read on the net). The initial light exchanges, whether by e-mail or in chat rooms, are generally followed by increasingly self revealing topics, where after a while the two strangers perceive each other as a true friend. Hearts open and an avalanche of e-mail crosses cyberspace carrying literary quality, electric messages are even enhanced with verses, virtual gifts (flowers, kisses, animated pictures). Could any heart with romantic inclinations resist? When you reach for the mouse with sweaty palms and butterflies in the stomach to look in the in-box for new mail - there's just no way to escape the fact - love has arrived.
In more fortunate cases the couple exchanged digitalized photos of themselves through the course of correspondence. This helps to ease the jolt of the initial meeting - which is a critical moment in every cyber love story. It is easy to understand if you realize what hopes and ideals our hero nursed up to that moment. (This reminds me of my colleague who showed up to meet his blind date - through a newspaper ad. He stood on the corner as agreed with a bouquet of roses when the girl approached. Poor Bela could not have slipped away unnoticed, but had a quick escape by saying - 'hello, unfortunately my friend could not come, but he wanted you to have these flowers.) Mr. Romeo must have felt far worse when after corresponding with his e-mail love for the past six months stepped off the plane to find out that she is not really a she, but a transvestite. That was the one minor detail his 'sweetheart' neglected to mention.
Whether in real life or in cyber space, there is real pain and disappointment that accompanies love or what was presumed as love. Many chose anonymity of meeting electronically thinking the distance provides a cushioning from the usual pains of a relationship. This is not true. Those who don't observe the rules of caution can suffer real and long healing scars. If we want to protect ourselves from the possible traps it would be useful to visit the romancesite.com website, where we can find many good advice and useful tips on 'how' and 'how not' to meet or flirt on the net. The web page contains real stories giving an opportunity to learn from the mistake of others and have a better chance to recognize the suspicious characters lurking in cyberspace.
Don't think the only danger to your emotions is the lies your partner may tell. Sometimes it may be what we do to delude ourselves that bring negative consequences. While these internet relationships are real enough the invisibility of the partner must be countered somehow and this results in generous doses of fantasizing for some people. There are those who easily lend themselves to daydreaming and loose their sense of reality. These people are prone to adorn their loved one with characteristics and appearance of a hero from a novel. It is difficult to escape from this dream back into reality unharmed. After the first kiss the prince turns into a frog and the story comes to an unexpected conclusion.
How does a cyber romance vary from a real life romance? Perhaps one significant difference is that communication plays such a large part. Words that convey feelings have enormous effect. While before a real date we fix our hair and our clothes, on the internet we polish our intellect, imagination and personality. In essence the sequence is reversed - first we show our inner beauty and only after it had won victory does the veil fall off the physical vehicle of that personality at the time of that first meeting in person.
It is a popular topic in cyberspace to debate whether or not true love can develop merely on an intellectual level, that is without the physical attraction, the familiarity of the other's appearance? To put it another way: is the physical appearance of the man or woman play a part in the relationship if through the exchange of thoughts and feelings they already fell in love?
Many say it is against the nature of love to be deprived of the sense of sight, the look, the movement, the body language being present. There are those, of course, who favor internet relationships claiming that the intensity of the emotional relationship that develops in such a way is superior to the mere stirring of the flesh.
Whatever the opinion may be on cyberlove - it must be said in favor of the internet that it puts people in touch with people that otherwise would never have met. I never would have suspected that the first person I met by e-mail would be a German chimney sweep to whom after a year of correspondence, although no emotional, but a common interest still binds.
There are examples where a real life relationship is damaged because one party gets entangled in a virtual romance that may turn serious. I remember a local newspaper carrying a story of a mother of three, who left her husband and children to live with a man who webbed her heart through cyberspace. Her story is not singular by any means. Ann Landers established a club for men and women who perceive the net as the demon that destroyed their marriage or lost their partner because they discovered Mr. or Ms. Right on the web. These letters and Ann Landers' responses may be found online at the Chicago Tribune web site.
It is silly to perceive the net as a demon, when we determine how we meet its challenges. While there are those who can use the net to their advantage extracting useful information, there are those who become addicts losing common sense, hopping from chat room to chat room, writing piles of e-mails full of lies to chosen victims and the virtual reality, the flirtations become a part of their everyday lives as some disease. One thing is true - the net is very addictive. According to the confession of a multiple substance addict, it was easier to give up cocaine than the IRC.
If, despite all we've said, there are those who still chose the internet as the means to find a partner, they can try the numerous IRC channels, Java chat rooms, the ICQ, online matchmaking services, correspondence groups or in a variety of mailing lists and newsgroups (alt.romance, alt.soulmates) or place their graphically constructed personal home page on-line through which one may convey to the world any information desired. There are many available choices, one need only live with the opportunity.
In any case - be cautious that you don't end up like Mr. Romeo. Keep your eyes open off-line as well - turn off the machine and go to a dance or a club, because most women still expect to be courted in a real, old fashioned, romantic way.
MsGreenFields had hoped for a similar romance when she met her love on the internet. They've arranged to meet. The lonely young woman felt she'd finally found the man with whom she can live with in harmony and realize her dreams. Their personalities and interests were so similar and even their goals seemed to match well. She was not disappointed in his physical appearance either - the man was elegantly dressed, and the romantic champagne dinner, dance and the man's compliments and attention toward her during the evening all served to fuel her feelings of happy expectation. What could have been the happiest of nights turned into a nightmare when they got to her apartment. The man she just spent a wonderful evening with turned into Mr. Hyde and brutally raped her and disappeared. She didn't even have the opportunity to report the incident to the police. What could she have said about the man she knew only as StandByMe through electronic contact and who supposedly, just arrived from Las Vegas. More than likely, StandByMe continues to prowl cyberspace looking for new victims probably under a new nickname and, of course, unpunished.
These two stories are merely two samples of the many experiences you may find on different web sites that feature the topic cyberlove.
Throughout history men and women had used a variety of means to find each other. Internet romance according to some is a bizarre method, and others it is a 'natural' for the 90's, to meet potential mates. Reading enough pages of people's experiences one could consider a decent length novel, has formed an interesting picture in me of internet romance.
Romances formed on the internet follow a characteristic script. The development of emotional intimacy is a long process, sometimes taking several months. "Love at first byte" is rare although there are examples (Steven J. Baumrucher wrote a book by that title recounting his own experiences details of which may be read on the net). The initial light exchanges, whether by e-mail or in chat rooms, are generally followed by increasingly self revealing topics, where after a while the two strangers perceive each other as a true friend. Hearts open and an avalanche of e-mail crosses cyberspace carrying literary quality, electric messages are even enhanced with verses, virtual gifts (flowers, kisses, animated pictures). Could any heart with romantic inclinations resist? When you reach for the mouse with sweaty palms and butterflies in the stomach to look in the in-box for new mail - there's just no way to escape the fact - love has arrived.
In more fortunate cases the couple exchanged digitalized photos of themselves through the course of correspondence. This helps to ease the jolt of the initial meeting - which is a critical moment in every cyber love story. It is easy to understand if you realize what hopes and ideals our hero nursed up to that moment. (This reminds me of my colleague who showed up to meet his blind date - through a newspaper ad. He stood on the corner as agreed with a bouquet of roses when the girl approached. Poor Bela could not have slipped away unnoticed, but had a quick escape by saying - 'hello, unfortunately my friend could not come, but he wanted you to have these flowers.) Mr. Romeo must have felt far worse when after corresponding with his e-mail love for the past six months stepped off the plane to find out that she is not really a she, but a transvestite. That was the one minor detail his 'sweetheart' neglected to mention.
Whether in real life or in cyber space, there is real pain and disappointment that accompanies love or what was presumed as love. Many chose anonymity of meeting electronically thinking the distance provides a cushioning from the usual pains of a relationship. This is not true. Those who don't observe the rules of caution can suffer real and long healing scars. If we want to protect ourselves from the possible traps it would be useful to visit the romancesite.com website, where we can find many good advice and useful tips on 'how' and 'how not' to meet or flirt on the net. The web page contains real stories giving an opportunity to learn from the mistake of others and have a better chance to recognize the suspicious characters lurking in cyberspace.
Don't think the only danger to your emotions is the lies your partner may tell. Sometimes it may be what we do to delude ourselves that bring negative consequences. While these internet relationships are real enough the invisibility of the partner must be countered somehow and this results in generous doses of fantasizing for some people. There are those who easily lend themselves to daydreaming and loose their sense of reality. These people are prone to adorn their loved one with characteristics and appearance of a hero from a novel. It is difficult to escape from this dream back into reality unharmed. After the first kiss the prince turns into a frog and the story comes to an unexpected conclusion.
How does a cyber romance vary from a real life romance? Perhaps one significant difference is that communication plays such a large part. Words that convey feelings have enormous effect. While before a real date we fix our hair and our clothes, on the internet we polish our intellect, imagination and personality. In essence the sequence is reversed - first we show our inner beauty and only after it had won victory does the veil fall off the physical vehicle of that personality at the time of that first meeting in person.
It is a popular topic in cyberspace to debate whether or not true love can develop merely on an intellectual level, that is without the physical attraction, the familiarity of the other's appearance? To put it another way: is the physical appearance of the man or woman play a part in the relationship if through the exchange of thoughts and feelings they already fell in love?
Many say it is against the nature of love to be deprived of the sense of sight, the look, the movement, the body language being present. There are those, of course, who favor internet relationships claiming that the intensity of the emotional relationship that develops in such a way is superior to the mere stirring of the flesh.
Whatever the opinion may be on cyberlove - it must be said in favor of the internet that it puts people in touch with people that otherwise would never have met. I never would have suspected that the first person I met by e-mail would be a German chimney sweep to whom after a year of correspondence, although no emotional, but a common interest still binds.
There are examples where a real life relationship is damaged because one party gets entangled in a virtual romance that may turn serious. I remember a local newspaper carrying a story of a mother of three, who left her husband and children to live with a man who webbed her heart through cyberspace. Her story is not singular by any means. Ann Landers established a club for men and women who perceive the net as the demon that destroyed their marriage or lost their partner because they discovered Mr. or Ms. Right on the web. These letters and Ann Landers' responses may be found online at the Chicago Tribune web site.
It is silly to perceive the net as a demon, when we determine how we meet its challenges. While there are those who can use the net to their advantage extracting useful information, there are those who become addicts losing common sense, hopping from chat room to chat room, writing piles of e-mails full of lies to chosen victims and the virtual reality, the flirtations become a part of their everyday lives as some disease. One thing is true - the net is very addictive. According to the confession of a multiple substance addict, it was easier to give up cocaine than the IRC.
If, despite all we've said, there are those who still chose the internet as the means to find a partner, they can try the numerous IRC channels, Java chat rooms, the ICQ, online matchmaking services, correspondence groups or in a variety of mailing lists and newsgroups (alt.romance, alt.soulmates) or place their graphically constructed personal home page on-line through which one may convey to the world any information desired. There are many available choices, one need only live with the opportunity.
In any case - be cautious that you don't end up like Mr. Romeo. Keep your eyes open off-line as well - turn off the machine and go to a dance or a club, because most women still expect to be courted in a real, old fashioned, romantic way.
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